Forget Woodstock; we’re talking Mellenstock!

That seemed to be the mood of thousands of Mellenheads Saturday night at the Garden State Arts Centre, Holmdel Township, as they defied the blackened skies and torrential rains to see John Mellencamp.

The crowd seemed to love every minute of the fifteen song set by Mellencamp and his six piece band. That was despite the fact that beyond the kaleidoscope of stage lights and pointless stage posturing, the show lacked credibility, danger or anything remotely resembling value. What the fans got for their money was a collection of cud-chewing and highly staged musical miscreants disguised as a rock’n’roll band – and this included drummer Kenny Aronoff, considered one of the finest and most respected in the business.

Beginning with ‘When Jesus Left Birmingham,’ the band set a mild and steady pace throughout. No one seemed to care that the sound quality was less than perfect when Mellencamp sauntered on from stage right. The audience, a mix of young and middle-age rock fans, stood when Mellencamp beckoned them. What followed was routine: no hold-ups, no technical hitches, no mistakes – and, by the same token, nothing spontaneous.

His set included a (terribly) sexless rendition of his 1978 hit ‘I Need A Lover,’ followed by the title track of his new album ‘Dance Naked,’ during which he, to the apparent delight of many of the women in the attendance, dropped his pants to his ankles, hopped about the stage in his boxer shorts, then pulled his pants back up!

The 1982 mega-seller ‘Jack and Diane’ was up next and so it continued, a semi-greatest hits show that also included ‘Lonely Ol’ Night,’ ‘Scarecrow,’ ‘Paper In Fire,’ ‘Small Town,’ concluding with ‘Pink Houses.’

The only true highlights were a cover of Van Morrison’s 1971 classic ‘Wild Night,’ and an obligatory exercise in audience participation by way of ‘Authority Song,’ which, for the uninitiated, is a complete rip-off of Bobby Fuller’s ‘I Fought The Law.’

John Mellencamp is highly marketable and predictable, but, notwithstanding the sexual come-ons, he’s about as risque as oatmeal. And apparently in this age of MTV white-wash, that suits everyone just fine – especially those making a ton of money.